Butler's pantry
Once again I’m haunting somebody’s house while they’re in Europe. It’s a fancy house. Not like in magazines or social media, but like real people with weird taste who’ve lived here for decades and have enough money to get the best version of everything. You bet I’ve been sitting here with holes in my knickers judging their stuff. Some of it is incredible and some of it is beyond my understanding. It felt like maybe crossing a line when I was estimating how much their antiques cost, but come on this stuff is interesting. And why do you even buy these things if not for people to be interested in them? Anyway here’s my review of how the other half live and what you’re missing out on - or not. Photos are from Google.
Persil ultimate $19 per 2kg ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Starting with some good news, you can probably afford to buy the most effective laundry powder in New Zealand (if it looks relatively expensive, consider that the worst brands are no better than washing in water). I thought I was a pro for using Persil Professional, but Persil Ultimate is a whole other level. You only need a little bit on a short cycle and everything comes out immaculate and smelling wholesome. I’ve seen a lot of nonsense products for perfuming clothes (dryer sheets, scent boosters) but there’s really only one way to smell bougie. You just need detergent that cleans effectively, maybe some oxygen bleach for the deep cleaning, and a dryer for when you don’t have good weather/outdoor space.
Miele washer ~$3000 and dryer ~$4000 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
You don’t need to spend this much to get good appliances but I can’t fault these. The washing machine, featuring a special honeycomb drum, does a much better spin cycle than the one I have at home. The dryer is a heat pump dryer, similar to what I have but the cycle is way faster. What you wanna do with appliances is look on Trademe for the higher-end brands but like 5-10 years old. Get a really good second-hand appliance for $600 instead of a shit new one for $300. Rich people throw out their entire kitchen every 10 years and people like us can benefit from this.
Miele dishwasher ~$2000 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Another banger from Miele. I’m sorry but these expensive appliances just do a way better job. Everything comes out surgically clean and you never have to deal with the sad roulette of something slipping down and blocking the arm from spinning.
Gaggenau pyrolytic oven ~$12000 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
I’ve been gaggen over how good this oven is, but I can’t give it full marks because domestic appliances just shouldn’t cost this much. This really is built different though, I don't know how they do it. It heats up fast, cooks things really evenly, and somehow it doesn’t really let hot air out when you open the door. All the food I’ve been cooking here has turned out really good. Nothing burns, nothing gets soggy, nothing dries out unless I’m deliberately making it crispy. You would think there’s not that much variation in the technology of applying heat to food but $12000 later here we are.
Gagganau steam oven ~$12000 ⭐⭐
There are a surprising number of no-microwave households for various reasons. I grew up in one. This house does not have a microwave because the steam oven is “better”. I will give it some credit as it did heat some food from the fridge in like 10-15 minutes and I’d probably be able to do a bunch of stuff with it if I knew how to use it properly. But for $12000? Just steam stuff on the stove and get a damn microwave.
Füri Knives ~$500 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I really thought that umlaut was gonna come at a premium, but these knives are pretty affordable. You can get a set of 5 for under $300. As someone who worked in hospitality for a number of years … I don’t have particularly strong opinions on kitchen tools. They’re just good knives. I was cutting through ciabatta pockets like they were clouds.
Dishy Nutcracker $45 ⭐⭐
I only mention this because the first time I stayed here I tried to open a macadamia with this and the metal snapped clean through and I spent $50 replacing it. It’s an expensive nutcracker. It can open nuts. Just not macadamias! I am certain that the replacement I bought has been untouched since I was last here, they might never have noticed that it broke.
Every possible kitchen appliance ⭐⭐⭐
Mixed feelings about this, it’s great to have appliances that you use regularly, but if you have so many that you need a second kitchen it’s a bit overwhelming. I guess if you’re cooking for guests all the time you might be getting use out of them? I already have a policy on what kinds of things should be owned per household and semi-commercial kitchen equipment falls squarely in the “communal” pile.
Second kitchen ⭐
Aka scullery, butler’s pantry, messy kitchen. This is the second kitchen where you store all your kitchen appliances. Neither kitchen has particularly good food storage. All my groceries for the month are sitting on the bench in the second kitchen. It’s meant to be a prep area that you can hide easily, unlike your main kitchen, which is just for decoration I guess?
Plinth drawers ⭐
These make me so uncomfortable. That part is not supposed to open. I think there are four of these here and two are empty, the others just have junk in them. Sure, if it was a tiny apartment and storage was at a premium, but this house is pretty huge.
Expired spices and condiments overall ⭐⭐
- Good chow truffle soy sauce $20.70/100mL ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Leafyridge garlic infused olive oil $21.50/250mL ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Not to shame these people, it’s really common for households to have expired food (like over a year past the date). But it is a bummer when you go to use some spices and they’ve all turned into grey dust. The plus side is if I find something that’s still holding up alright then I don’t feel bad about going hard on it. The two products specified above are delicious and the olive oil is still fine four years after the BB date.
Giant TV in kitchen ⭐⭐⭐⭐
I have to admit this is my kind of decadence. It’s like being at the gym, except you’re in the kitchen. Playing music while you’re cooking goes hard. Likewise watching Youtube on the big screen while you’re eating. I don’t even really have a TV at home, I just watch stuff on a smallish monitor, but put me in any room with a big-ass TV and in 10 minutes I’ll be watching the Ultimatum or Kitchen Nightmares.
Wine room ??
There’s a wine room here. I don’t drink wine so I can’t really rate this concept. I was trying to think of what type of specialty room I would have. Obviously a conservatory, but that’s not that specialised. Probably a room for all my skincare machines, which I would get more of.
Automatic cat feeder $94 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
The poor cat is on a diet so it’s good that she always has portion control and the same feeding times. It rattles out her kibble into a bowl at 6:30am and 5:30pm. She waits for it for at least an hour beforehand and then it’s all over so quickly. She’s allowed a bit of wet food as well, so there’s still a human element involved.
1960s Murano glass chandeliers ~$5000 each ⭐
I like things that are over-the-top, but these look like koi carp deepthroating lotuses. And yet I respect that someone loves these enough to spend 5 grand on them as a matter of personal taste.
Antique imperial Russian samovar ~$3000 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
This however is cool.
Rosina Wachmeister cat statues ~$100 each ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Also cool.
Ornamental chamber pots and ewers ⭐
I don’t really like any of the other decorative objects, of which there are many.
Ultra thick carpet $35/m2 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
I assumed this was super expensive because it feels so nice, but it’s just an easycare affordable carpet brand. The pile is like a centimeter deep and you can dig your toes into it. The comfiest spot in the house is on the floor next to one of the central heating vents, playing with the cat. I wish I could get my apartment carpeted, but I have an aesthetic fucked up concrete floor and it would be too complicated to put anything on top of it.
Carpeted bathroom ⭐⭐
Not a fan of the carpet being in the ensuite though. The toilet mercifully has a bit of tile around it, but the carpet goes all the way up to the shower box.
Robot vacuum $300 ⭐⭐
This thing chases me around the kitchen and leaves crop circles in the carpet. It’s fine, they have two other normal vacuums so the stinky little robot can just stay on the charger.
Hotel soaps ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Despite having all of the luxury items listed above, these people still hoard hotel toiletries and I think that’s beautiful. There’s a giant plastic bag of hotel soaps under the sink in the guest bathroom and a bunch of overly-scented Aesop, Lanvin and Bvlgari creams. Each week I pick a fresh soap to use. Now this is the life.
