Supp Dawg

As the wellness industry has drifted from neoliberal to hard right, I am given pause to reflect on my own history with supplements. From my peak Bryan Johnson-esque regime of 10-20 pills a day, I’m now on the more skeptical side.

I had the usual early experiences with supplements as a child. Floradix, Berocca, spoonfuls of Maltexo. Vitamin C was probably a gateway drug, to this day I will take one if offered because I love the taste and texture. In my mid-20s I was into things like “quitting sugar” and “microdosing Ritalin”. I also had to go on medication for mental illness around this time. This project of the self combined with new concerns about health naturally led me to supplements. Here’s a rundown of all the nonsense I’ve wasted money on.

SLEEPING/WAKING

Caffeine tablets

I used to take caffeine tablets because I thought that drinking coffee was making my sweat smell. Inconclusive whether that was true or not. After a couple of months of not drinking it, freshly brewed coffee did start to stink unpleasantly (barnyard type of smell). At some point I went back to coffee and it tasted and smelled good again. I think it was probably just caffeine in general that was making me sweat a lot, after I cut back to 1-2 cups of coffee a week I noticed a big difference with pit sweat in particular. I still full-body sweat when I exercise, but I’m no longer sitting there sedentary and cold with my armpits doing a slow drip.

Melatonin

Prescription-only in New Zealand unless you’re over 55, but I took it for years and never had a problem with buying it online. I would take a half or a quarter every night and would be forced to go to bed 20 minutes later. Melatonin is very dose-dependent. Anecdotally I’ve heard that guys will take too much because they think they’re hardcore, then it just makes their sleep even worse. I always thought I was a baby for being a tablet nibbler but I was actually nailing the optimal dose. Melatonin became obsolete for me when I cut back on caffeine. I still have trouble with bedtime discipline but once I get there I’m usually asleep pretty fast.

Modafinil

Prescription-only in New Zealand, I bought it online successfully a couple of times, then one time got scammed, then it was intercepted by customs and I was too scared to keep trying. I loved Modafinil. Around 2018 every morning upon waking I would break one in half, stick it under my tongue and fall back asleep until it kicked in. I found out about Modafinil because I used to love abusing dexamphetamine and felt like I would never feel that good again. Modafinil allowed me to get through the day without succumbing to crushing fatigue and with minimal side effects. I would probably take it again if I had a long day planned.

I understand the argument that this type of “productivity drug” is for losers who don’t have a life outside of work, but my experience was kind of the opposite, starting from a baseline of being so fucked that I couldn’t do anything outside of work.

Adrafinil, the precursor drug, is unclassified in New Zealand but it sucks and prolonged use may lead to liver stress or damage. I took it for a while but it’s really not worth it.

Ashwagandha

I took this for a few weeks when I was desperate to improve daily headaches and awful fatigue and dizziness. It didn’t do anything. Adaptogens are fake.

THERAPEUTIC/PREVENTATIVE

Probiotics

I’ve gone back and forth on probiotics. I had them in my stack when I was taking handfuls of pills, then later I figured that if they actually worked Medsafe would fund them and my doctor would prescribe them to me for IBS. Recently I’ve started taking them again.

The good news is that there’s strong evidence that probiotics are effective … in treating infectious diarrhea. For IBS it’s totally inconclusive, but advice for medical professionals is that if a patient wants to try them they might as well. However they’ll need to be consistent with them for at least 4 weeks and it’s not possible to recommend any specific type of probiotic over another.

The only really effective strategy I’ve ever found for IBS is mechanical rather than microbial. It’s simple, it’s free, and do you think I’m diligent about doing it? Absolutely not. I’ve only ever kept it up for a few weeks at a time.

The secret is chewing every bite of food slightly more than you want to. You want to grind everything into a paste. If you keep going your mouth shoots out more saliva, which has enzymes in it that start digesting the food before you even swallow. You’re welcome.

Vitamin D

I’ve had this prescribed to me before at a preventative dose, which was one round gel capsule that sorts you out for 3 months. I’ve also had the OTC stuff that you take every day. As far as I can tell the difference is that the former is a 125 times greater dose than the normal daily amount. I have no idea how this works, aren’t bodies amazing.

Vitamin D deficiency is not an issue for most New Zealanders. I wouldn’t bother again unless i was pregnant.

Turmeric/Curcumin/Piperine

Turmeric is so beautiful, it’s easy to believe that it’s got powers. However the bright colour of curcumin (the compound in turmeric which is the subject of so many health claims) has been identified as a risk for false positives in scientific trials that involve measuring fluorescence. Scientists have found that curcumin is very reactive in the lab with over 300 kinds of biological activity, making it the 10th most promiscuous molecule known to science. However in the body it’s a different story; curcumin decomposes so quickly that it’s much harder to find any conclusive evidence of beneficial effects.

I’ve had my own affair with the promiscuous molecule. At some stage i researched the most credible supplements and curcumin with piperine kept coming up as possibly reducing the risk of cancer. I took it regularly for about a year and probably stopped because I didn’t want to keep spending money on it.

Fish Oil

I’ve taken fish oil off and on over the years. Prior to having corrective eye surgery an optometrist recommended that I take it to improve dry eyes, which worked. I can’t say that I’ve noticed any other benefits, but I might start taking it again sometime as I don’t always want to eat fish 1-2 times a week and the bioavailability of plant-based omega 3 is abysmal in comparison.

COSMETIC

Garcinia Cambogia

Throwback to bad times. I was taking this after I gained weight from antidepressants. It’s self-hating nonsense and I don’t want to give it a shred of credibility. If I lost any weight while taking this it was probably because the instructions tell you not to eat for one hour before or after your meals and to take the pills with a big glass of water three times a day. I still have some kind of relationship of an unspecified nature with weight and body image, but fortunately I’ve moved on a lot from the Garcinia Cambogia days.

CoQ10 (and misc anti-aging)

Includes resveratrol, astaxanthin. I can’t read any reference material on this because I’ll get sucked in again. It’s almost certainly a waste of money and doing some strength training and deep breathing will probably have greater positive effects.

Pueraria Mirifica

I took this with noble intentions (ass and titties) but it didn’t really do anything. I maybe gained a little bit of weight but not in any specific place. Fetishists take this to induce male lactation, so at least it’s good for something.

Biotin

Such a cheap supplement with such big promises! This never made any difference whatsoever to my hair, skin or nails. You’ll only benefit from it if you have a deficiency. Classic scam.

Collagen

This one really hurts: collagen is kind of a scam. In the specific sense that oral collagen will not replace the natural collagen depletion that occurs in the skin with aging. And let’s be real, that’s why most people are taking it. It’s such a widespread misconception that the collagen marketers don’t even need to suggest it does anything. Collagen protein bars are everywhere. Collagen chocolate, collagen jelly, collagen freeze-dried coconut ice cream (ok I do want to try that). Collagen is not approved for any health claims in the EU. Meta-analysis finds existing studies lacking, with only inconclusive evidence that collagen supplements improve skin hydration and elasticity, and no studies as yet of the possible effect on hair.

I’ve consumed a lot of collagen over the years, specifically hydrolysed collagen powder. Although I did once buy a bulk tub of Gelatine at Moore Wilson’s and drank it dissolved in miso soup. I would probably still buy powdered collagen if it was on clearance, as I’m supplementing protein anyway and I might as well throw it into the mix if I can source it inexpensively. But as far as aging skin goes, I’ll save my money for cosmetic injectables.

MSM powder

An influencer with really long hair said that she took it so I bought some. I’m obsessed with hair, it’s a whole thing. I had great hair until I was 30 then it started thinning big time. Now I’m using all of the hacks and it’s still never going to be better than decent for the rest of my life. I stopped taking MSM powder because it's disgusting and makes my stomach hurt. If you want to try it I have a nearly full bag. 

MISC

Bee pollen

I have no idea why I was taking this. Whimsy?

ATHLETIC/NUTRITIONAL

Protein powder

I dabbled with this in earlier times as purely a dietary thing, but once I started working out it became an essential. I’ve seen an article recently questioning whether people really need as much protein as they think they do, and let me tell you, if all you are doing is going to an office job and walking your dog then don’t worry about it. I even used to do bikram yoga without changing my diet, but as soon as I started lifting weights it became clear that something needed to change. For the first couple of weeks it seemed like I was only getting weaker each time, then my trainer asked me if I was eating before I came to the gym and I found out that you’re meant to do that. I started eating more, but food is expensive, so I bought one of the obnoxiously large things of protein powder that looks stupid in your kitchen. It’s brilliant.

Creatine

My most recent experiment. I got given some and decided to give it an honest try. At that time I was running a lot to train for a race, and I can’t conclusively say it was the creatine but my performance went through the roof and I was recovering so fast that I could train every second day. I need to get more of this.

WHAT I LEARNED 

They were right, exercise does cure depression! 

Just kidding, I’ve been on medication for 9 years. But in the end I actually needed less of everything, other than working out and antidepressants that work for me. I need to be sober and I need to be pretty judicious about caffeine. There’s no reason to keep slamming my central nervous system and get horribly dysregulated. There’s no reward for it. I really believe on a deeper level that we’re conditioned to keep getting more things to try to fix ourselves, when you actually get what you need by letting go of a bunch of stuff. I promise you'll be healthier and freer without it. 

Have you ever had a disappointing experience with supplements? Are you going to try chewing more? 
Sound off below Purgies!