2horny2die
The title refers to a mixtape I made in winter after I got dumped twice in pretty quick succession. I was walking around at night listening to what I would now consider to be music that guys listen to at the gym (corny dark electronic music with wolf howls etc) and other stuff that fit the mood (being horny and kind of wanting to die). It's summer now, but you never know when it will be time to be a pathetic woman again.
You might say that the year is coming to a close. I remember writing something once about how every summer lines up like pages in a ring binder and I always fall down into one of the perforations at the side. I feel like the years don't close and they're all still there, but also there's no time but the present. I remember writing something else on a warm night when I was living in my tiniest apartment, about some day having a bigger kitchen and a bigger sadness. I still don't have a big kitchen.
I talk to myself a lot in a detached way about accessing and regulating my emotions, like I'm an archivist with full control of the opening hours and the thermostat. This is mature and responsible, to lie to myself. I don't feel sad right now, but I've been channeling my younger self at inconvenient times. Blame it on the heat.
